It's amazing what life does to you....

You know, I always thought I was a pretty greatful, nice person until recently. Over the past 9-12 months, I have not been the person who I always thought I was. I have struggled with this in many ways. I didn't really have the best of friends to hang out with. Not that they were bad people, but they just weren't the most positive. So, over the past 3-4 months, I have been trying to weed out if you will the less positive of people. I tend to go with the alpha attitute and usually I turn out being a hag. I HATE IT!!!!

So, I just went through this whole appendix thing, which, I'm feeling amazingly well!!! But, I just went through this whole thing and I realized, I'm not at peace. I got rid of the negative people in my life. I have been hanging out with "better" friends. Ones that are WAY more positive... Why am I not at peace?? Well, let me explain.....

After I got home from the hospital, that night I found myself crying myself to sleep cause I was so greatful for everything thing I have..... my life, my family, my friends, the church..... and so on. But I found myself crying into the night cause I couldn't thank my heavenly father enough for all my blessings I had just been given. Still there was a hollow part of me. When I cut this one friend off, it kinda was in an unsure way. It was very clear why I was doing it and she knew why, but I was kinda mean about it. I felt completely justified in doing it for more than one reason. But it was eating away at me. I was much happier. I was "allowed" to hang out with my other friends. I had no more guilt. I was FREE!!!!! But yet.... I was hollow. I finally took the higher road today and apologized for my actions and for the bitterness I had in my heart. I realized that just casue I apologized doesn't mean that I have to be as good of friends as we were. That will never happen. But, that doesn't mean that I have to have enemies or hate in my heart. I can now really let it all go. Since I have done that, I feel so much better. Some would agree that this was a good thing to do, and some would very strongly disagree.... Only time will tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. All I know is it's never a good thing to have enemies or unresolved issues within yourself. You never know what might happen to yourself or for that matter.... them!

When it rains, it pours...

Why is life so unfair sometimes. So last week was my drama and this week is my 11 yr old cousin Olivia's. She was diagnosed with type one diabetes. I think the most sad part is that she is just fine. She had no clue she was even sick, but her parents are struggling. Rightly so. I'm pretty sure any parent would. She has always been a big water drinker, but she gets up about 2-3 times a night to go to the bathroom. She never can quinch her tirst. Not to mention, the last 2 times I have seen her she has really gotten taller and thinning out. Just passed it off as puberty. Well, little did we know, she was spilling sugar out in her urine. All in all.... Liv will be just fine. She is a tough and brave girl. After seeing her last night.... SHE will be just fine.... Kim and Rob.... not so sure!!! ;)

I'm just greatful to be alive.... SERIOUSLY!

Sorry I have been MIA for about a month on here, but I have been so freakin' sick!!! For some of you that don't know what has been going on, allow me to update you. I have been sick going on for a few months now. First I found out I was seriously anemic. That's right, I found it out. Where I work, I can have all access to the labs I want drawn on me. So, for the past few months, I have been playing around and drawing my own blood. It's awesome!!

Around that same time, this is June btw, I found out that I had a bad laps of mono sometime in my life. When I have no clue, cause I have always been tired in my life. Some call it tired, some call it lazy!! ;) So I got put on massive amounts of iron, tried to get as much sleep as I could and started to feel better.Next thing I know, I'm falling asleep at work. Taking 2-3 hour naps at work. I'm looking like 10 miles of rough road. I come home from work and I race for the couch cause I'm almost positive I have just about killed 10 people on the way home. But, how would I know, I was on autopilot.

So I'm sleeping a ton again.... Still on my iron, still getting rest. I don't get it. So I start running more blood work trying to figure this all out. It's been going on for months, and I'm looking bad!! My eyes are all gray and sunken in. I'm losing weight, not that it was a bad deal there... but I'm just not right PHYSICALLY.... Mentally... that's another story.Well, on Nov 10th, it was a sat, I was at my friend Lisa's house and I started to feel SEVERLY sick. I'm about to puke, but nothing would come up. I had a horriffic pain on the left upper part of my abdomin. I called my mom to come and get me I was that sick. We were on our way home and it all finally came up. First thing I thought of was I was having a gall bladder attack. So we stopped by our friends house that is a Dr.---She said she didn't think it was a gall bladder attack but if she can make it through the weekend good.... Told my mom to take me home and make me better.

Mon morning I had a gall bladder ultrasound set up and by this point I thought I was going to die. Couldn't stand up straight, couldn't go to the bathroom with out this horriffic pain and obviously something was not right. NEVER in my life have I had this amount of pain, for this long, and I'm actually very healthy. Get the results back from my ultrasound.... everything is normal, BUT I have a spot on my liver.... More blood work here I come. So I was on to get my liver enzymes checked and to rule out Hepatis A. GREAT!!!!!My enzymes came back very high and my hep A stuff was all neg.

So, on to another dr I went. Went to an internist, He basically blew me off. Diagnosed me with chronic fatigue and passed it off as that. Oh and told me that I had too much access to labs. I'm paranoid basically. Gave me this herbal thing to try and told me to check my liver in a month. Oh yeah and that I was vitamin deficient. WHATEV!!!!Yeah... that was NOT flying with me or my mom. He said nothing about the pain that I was having. So on to Dr. # 3 I went. One of our other friends that is a dr. caught wind of what was going on and sent me straight to a GI dr the very next day.

This was now thurs. By this time cause I was jaundice and my liver was all outta wack, my body had a rash all over it. you couldn't see it, but I sure as hell could feel it!!! This guy DX me with Hep A cause he wasn't sure what it was and that was the closest thing. So I get sent home on bed rest from thurs to mon and was to get MORE blood work done Mon morning and to report to his office mon afternoon. I really do have a point to this story and I know it's long and drawn out, but I'm kinda bugged about it all but yet glad to say I can see to light of day with how serious all this was. Basically, I was knocking on deaths door. NO LIE!

So I go home, mind you he told me I had to be naked and only wrapped in calamine lotion to stop the itching, so I do as I'm supposed to. STRICT BED REST was what he said. Friday, I was getting better, itching had subsided a little, but still had the stomach pain. Sat I was even better, less itching, pain was less... Sunday all day I felt like a million bucks!!! The pain was FINALLY gone. I was so excited to go in there mon and tell him I'm all better and go about my business.... HA!!! Nice try.

Sunday night I start getting sharp pains on my lower right side of my abdomin. Totally different spot of where it hurt b4. Mon by the time I get into his office I am in the fetal position in tears. Could barely move. He starts jabbing around on my stomach and he all of the sudden gets a straight serious face. I'm nervous. Tells me my right side is totally different than my left and sends me straight downstairs for a CT scan. Says if anything is "abnormal" he will call me ASAP!! That was at about 3:30 on Mon afternoon. At 5:30 that night he calls me and tells me that I have a 7cm abcess on my appendix and I need to wait for the general surgeon to call me that I will be going into surgery that night or on tues. I lose it. Finally something was found but I'm terrified of surgery. The surgeon called and I was admitted in the hospital 2 hours later. He waits to do surgery on Tues cause he didn't have access to my CT scan. NOT COOL!!!! Puts me on high doses of antibiotics and tells me I can't have anything to eat or drink. Not even water. As if I had eaten all day anyway.

Surgery goes well.... I'm healing and doing SOOOOOOO much better. Never ever b4 in my life have I experienced THAT much pain. Got out of the hospital this AM and can Finally have food. I wasn't allowed to eat or drink anything til my dr said I could. Ended up from mon-thurs I had NOTHING!!!!

Here is where I'm kinda peeved.... Surgeon tells me everything is good.... My appendix came out in 2 pieces and my abdomin was FULL of infection. NICE!!!! So next day another surgeon comes in asks me when I gave birth... I said excuse me? Found out my appendix was not in the right place. It was by my uterus and that was one of the reasons that the surgeon waited to do surgery. My pain was not atypical for appendasitis.... ok, whatever.... then today I find out from ANOTHER surgeon that you only get an abcess on your appendix about 5-7 days AFTER it ruptures!!!! K... lets think about this.... I have been in pain for about 10 days.... I had a 7cm abcess, which is huge, on my appendix..... I was told that you start to feel better AFTER your appendix ruptures that's why people die. They feel better and don't go back to the dr..... meanwhile, they are killing themselves with infection and have NO clue. Scary!!!! So I was in EXTREME pain, was getting better as my liver is giving up from fighting all this infection, and all they can say is I have Hep A cause they don't know what it really is. AWESOME!!!!!

So, it took 4 dr's to figure out what I had and in the end..... I'm doing a million times better and remembering that it NEVER pays to have a high pain tolerance. Listen to your bodies and don't ignore things. This honestly could have been A LOT more serious....As serious as it was for me, it could have been worse!!!! Told you there was a point to my long drawn out story.. ;)

If I had any cool pics of my exploded appendix.... I would post em.... sorry. ;)

My New Setta Wheels....

I gots me a new setta wheels... I finally got rid of my peon and gots me an '04 silver Honda Accord EX. It's only gots 49,000 miles. It was bought at auction from New Jersey. I'm so excited. It's one SMOOTH ride!!! I went from a dump truck to a cadilac!! Although as much trouble and headaches as my neon has given me, I must admit, I shed a couple of tears as I pulled out of the parking lot and left it behind. We had a connection. It was quite a memorable 3 years. But all good things must come to an end I guess so BETTER things can come to pass.. As soon as I get some pics, I'll post them. It's a sweet ride!!

General Conference

Oh the many memories.... Just thought I would give you all the low down on what is going on as I type here at home. Let's just say Daddy is a little jealous cause I have the laptop and he doesn't.... ;) I think this is the first sat that he has been awake THE WHOLE TIME!!! I know, imagine that. But as we all know and love so well, not to mention, can hear it all ringing in our heads as if you all were here... Dad whistling during EVERY hymn. And when he is not whistling he is singing either too early or too late. Mom decided to be just as annoying this year. Thanks for leaving me out here all alone with these fruitcakes!!! Love conference... don't get me wrong, BUT, 2 sessions down, 2 to go............. OH WAIT!!!! I just turned around and pops is out like a light.... I spoke too soon!!!