It's amazing what life does to you....

You know, I always thought I was a pretty greatful, nice person until recently. Over the past 9-12 months, I have not been the person who I always thought I was. I have struggled with this in many ways. I didn't really have the best of friends to hang out with. Not that they were bad people, but they just weren't the most positive. So, over the past 3-4 months, I have been trying to weed out if you will the less positive of people. I tend to go with the alpha attitute and usually I turn out being a hag. I HATE IT!!!!

So, I just went through this whole appendix thing, which, I'm feeling amazingly well!!! But, I just went through this whole thing and I realized, I'm not at peace. I got rid of the negative people in my life. I have been hanging out with "better" friends. Ones that are WAY more positive... Why am I not at peace?? Well, let me explain.....

After I got home from the hospital, that night I found myself crying myself to sleep cause I was so greatful for everything thing I have..... my life, my family, my friends, the church..... and so on. But I found myself crying into the night cause I couldn't thank my heavenly father enough for all my blessings I had just been given. Still there was a hollow part of me. When I cut this one friend off, it kinda was in an unsure way. It was very clear why I was doing it and she knew why, but I was kinda mean about it. I felt completely justified in doing it for more than one reason. But it was eating away at me. I was much happier. I was "allowed" to hang out with my other friends. I had no more guilt. I was FREE!!!!! But yet.... I was hollow. I finally took the higher road today and apologized for my actions and for the bitterness I had in my heart. I realized that just casue I apologized doesn't mean that I have to be as good of friends as we were. That will never happen. But, that doesn't mean that I have to have enemies or hate in my heart. I can now really let it all go. Since I have done that, I feel so much better. Some would agree that this was a good thing to do, and some would very strongly disagree.... Only time will tell if it was a good thing or a bad thing. All I know is it's never a good thing to have enemies or unresolved issues within yourself. You never know what might happen to yourself or for that matter.... them!